To cry, or not to cry ...

that is the question. When I took Joshua to his 6-month check-up, his doctor told me that he was not getting enough sleep. We had let Joshua "cry it out" at night a couple of months previously, but he was not napping AT ALL during the day. Occasionally he would take catnaps while nursing, but he was not -- and is still not -- getting the true naps that he needs.

Since then, we've survived our two vacations. We were in the car a lot, so he seemed to establish two good nap times for himself. Around 1100 and 1500, Joshua will start to rub his eyes and become fussy. Now that we're home, I have tried putting him down a few times but stopped because we haven't been able to keep a very consistent schedule ... until this week. I've been absolutely dreading it. This week has been set aside for nap time.

I want what is best for my baby. I want him to grow healthy, be well fed and well rested, and be strong. And I know that he will not develop and learn as quickly as he should if he does not get the sleep he needs.

But right now he's crying it out in his crib. And I feel like a terrible mother. I know you should not give children everything they "want" ... but this little lamb is my BABY. Surely he's too young for this. Surely he'll eventually learn to fall asleep in his bed on his own.

I don't want him to rely on me to fall asleep. As much as I love my snuggle baby, I want him to be independent. But I also want to protect him, to comfort him, and to give him what he wants and what he needs.

I feel like I'm caught in a war zone between my head and my heart. I'm not sure that I can do this. I don't think I'm strong enough. I feel so guilty, and traitorous. How can I expect my little one to trust me again? What kind of mother leaves their child to cry? If he hates this so much, how can it be good for him?

If you have any advice for us, I welcome it. Now it's time for me to check on my little boy and try to comfort him again.

Counting my blessings ...

Mark, Joshua, and I have had a whirlwind of a summer. We survived a road trip to New Jersey and back, as well as a trip to Colorado last week. Joshua did really, really well on both vacations. I think we asked a lot of him, but he took it all in stride. I'll post the Colorado pictures later, but here are some from the New Jersey trip:

On our way up to New Jersey, we stopped by the St. Louis Arch.
Joshua was so glad to be out of the car (and the car seat!).

Poor Joshua was so tired after we went to Independence
Hall in Philadelphia ... he missed the Liberty Bell!

We found these pretty flowers at one of the many
Rest Areas we visited.

Mark set our camera up to take a family portrait
in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.

I feel completely and utterly blessed. Joshua is such a healthy, happy baby. If he's fed and has had a nap, he's smiling. He can sit up, roll over, and is almost crawling. He sleeps from around 9 p.m. until 8 a.m. the next morning. He has started eating peaches, green beans, bananas, peas, pears, squash, prunes, and carrots. When I look at him now, I wonder what has happened to my "little boy." Mark even made the comment that he looked "so old!" with his hair parted to the side (he actually has hair now, too!).

Sometimes I feel as though life is moving too quickly. I wish that a magic pill to freeze time existed. I want to cherish every moment with my baby, because I know these snuggly days won't last forever. I'm trying to live in the moment and to focus completely on Joshua. And I know I'm not guaranteed any more than this breath, right now.

I sometimes wonder why God chooses to bless people, while others go through trials so difficult that I can't even imagine them. I have several friends and family members who are hurting right now, and I don't know what to do or what to say to help them ... except for fervent prayer. I know my God is mighty to save, but sometimes I just don't understand His plans. Counting all my blessings makes me feel guilty ... and grateful for what I've been given.

So it begins (again) ...

Several years ago I kept a blog to keep in touch with friends. Now that I stalk several of my friends' blogs, I thought I might as well go ahead and create a new one for my family. I plan to update it fairly often, but you'll find me more frequently on facebook. My previous blog can be found at http://necielauren.blogspot.com.

The Parsons family includes:
1) Mark, my sweet husband of 5 years. He is an amazing provider for our family.

2) Denise (me). I am a part-time pediatric nurse and full-time mommy. Although I enjoy my job on most days, I like being a mommy more than anything else.

3) Joshua, our precious 6-month-old baby boy. He is the light of my life, and I can't imagine how this family existed without him.

4) Lily Bit, my first "baby." Lily is a long-haired miniature dachshund and is extremely spoiled. She is very good with Joshua but seems a bit bored these days ... she has to share the attention now.

5) Sam-I-Am, our kitty. Sam doesn't like Joshua much at all, especially when he's crying. But Sam is happy as long as he has food in his bowl.

I guess that's it for now. I'm off to hit the hay!