that is the question. When I took Joshua to his 6-month check-up, his doctor told me that he was not getting enough sleep. We had let Joshua "cry it out" at night a couple of months previously, but he was not napping AT ALL during the day. Occasionally he would take catnaps while nursing, but he was not -- and is still not -- getting the true naps that he needs.
Since then, we've survived our two vacations. We were in the car a lot, so he seemed to establish two good nap times for himself. Around 1100 and 1500, Joshua will start to rub his eyes and become fussy. Now that we're home, I have tried putting him down a few times but stopped because we haven't been able to keep a very consistent schedule ... until this week. I've been absolutely dreading it. This week has been set aside for nap time.
I want what is best for my baby. I want him to grow healthy, be well fed and well rested, and be strong. And I know that he will not develop and learn as quickly as he should if he does not get the sleep he needs.
But right now he's crying it out in his crib. And I feel like a terrible mother. I know you should not give children everything they "want" ... but this little lamb is my BABY. Surely he's too young for this. Surely he'll eventually learn to fall asleep in his bed on his own.
I don't want him to rely on me to fall asleep. As much as I love my snuggle baby, I want him to be independent. But I also want to protect him, to comfort him, and to give him what he wants and what he needs.
I feel like I'm caught in a war zone between my head and my heart. I'm not sure that I can do this. I don't think I'm strong enough. I feel so guilty, and traitorous. How can I expect my little one to trust me again? What kind of mother leaves their child to cry? If he hates this so much, how can it be good for him?
If you have any advice for us, I welcome it. Now it's time for me to check on my little boy and try to comfort him again.
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I know it is hard, but keep at it. You are teaching him a skill...to comfort himself to sleep. Then if he wakes during the night, he can get himself back to sleep then too. Try reading Healthy Sleep Habits Happy child. It is my sleep Bible. It isn't a "method" but research on what kids need and what most kids are doing nap/sleep wise at every stage.
ReplyDeleteSo here's my advice/opinion for what it's worth. Books, and methods, and suggestions are all great but I think the bottom line is you know your baby better than anyone and you need to do what you think and feel is best for you and him. If that’s different than what others think, that’s OK.
ReplyDeleteWith Madelyn, we tried the crying it out thing briefly when she was younger and then quit. She is still a very independent, out-going, and well adjusted child. I haven’t regretted it yet. The only thing I regret, honestly, is trying it as long as we did. She would lie in her crib crying for hours. I tried every technique I could find from not going in at all, to going in every few minutes to comfort her, to sitting by the crib so she knew we were there. Nothing worked and she would cry for hours until she’d get so worked up she started throwing up all over herself. That’s when we decided it just wasn’t worth it. People told me it was just a power struggle and we were giving in and letting her win. But I decided that if winning meant letting her get so upset that she’s throwing up that I’d rather lose. When we put her in our bed she’d calm down and within minutes we’d watch her eyes slowly close until she would be sound asleep. Shortly after her first birthday, Eddie wanted to change her crib into a toddler bed so I reluctantly agreed. It made all the difference in the world. She wanted to lay in it and go to sleep in it. We would sit quietly by the bed for a few minutes just so she knew we were there while she got comfortable and drifted off the sleep. She didn’t stay in her bed real long at the beginning but each night she slept longer and longer in it. She still doesn’t always make it all night in her bed but if she wakes up and feels like she needs us, she just gets up and comes to our room. She knows we’re there if she needs us.
As far as nap time, she is just a ball of energy that doesn’t like to slow down and fights sleep with everything she has. I could lay her down but she would lay there and kick her legs or move her arms for hours. I finally started holding close to me to limit her movement and rocking with her. After a few minutes of being still she was always asleep. It was just a matter of getting her to slow down and stop moving. Now, when I tell her it’s nap time, she’ll go lay down and be quiet. Sometimes, though, I still have to sit down beside her and rest my hand on her legs or arms to remind her to slow down and be still. But it never takes long.
So anyway, I’ve rambled on with my story but my main point is, every kid is different and what works with one or even with most may not work with yours. Like I said before, books and suggestions from people are all good and great to try, but remember that they weren’t dealing with your child and your situation. God gave Joshua to you and you know him better than anyone. It may take lots of trial and error, but you have to find what works best for you and him even if it’s not what the books say.
Tamra